A Hole in my Pants

I've realised that I have neglected this blog the last month or so.

My friend asked me how the opposite blog was going. I had to admit that I hadn't been concentrating on it.

As I said at the beginning, it is going to be a challenge to remember about The Opposite for the next year.

Anyway, I've decided to send a daily update to my friend and from that update I will try to publish this blog.

Let me tell you what happened and how I did the opposite yesterday.

I was walking to the library after finishing at the gym and everything seemed great if a little hot.

I sat down at the library and started doing my work and then I noticed something a bit strange. What i found was that I had a big hole in the crotch of my trousers went went around to the back. I don't think the hole was obvious but it still was a little disconcerting that I thought about going home to change my pants.

In the end I didn't do that. I did the opposite, borrowed a stapler, stapled the holes together and went about my day. At times I could feel a staple breaking but it worked and I wasn't too worried about it.

Another thing that I noticed yesterday is that no one cares about your hole in your pants. They aren't looking anyway. Most people are looking down at their phones or looking down at the floor or ground walking. They are too worried about themselves to worry about a hole in the pants.

I'm glad that I did the opposite yesterday and made the most of my day.

Social Media and always checking it

I don't know about you, but I am addicted to my phone. At the moment, as I am writing this, I am listening to music played on YouTube through my phone. I also like to check other things including social media like Facebook and Instagram.

This is a big waste of my time when I could be focusing.

I remember reading a book in which the author suggests turning off the notifications function on your phone so that you are not distracted. I did this and I found that I was always checking every three seconds to see if I got a text or not. It's ridiculous.

So, today's opposite challenge is to stop checking my phone. The idea is to have one time in the day when I check Facebook and Instagram. That's all.

If I can do this, I'm going to find that I have a lot more time to do things that are truly important.

Can you cut it down to one time a day too?

Good luck!

Going to a Party

Last night I went to a party. I haven't been to one for quite a long time and this for me is certainly an example of me doing the opposite.

For those of you who know me well, you will know that I would classify myself as an introvert and a party, especially with people you don't know at all would not be the introvert's natural environment.

Anyway, I went along and it was fun. I had to speak in Japanese for most of it which was interesting as I haven't done that for quite some time but that wasn't a problem.

This is certainly an example of doing the opposite for me and my plan for the next twelve months is to attend more and more of these events.

What is out of your comfort zone?

Go and do it!

Come on! Go and do the opposite. I will.

TINDER

If you are single and unless you are living under a rock you have probably heard of Tinder. Tinder is the dating app, that allows you to swipe right if you like the look of what is on the screen and swipe left if what you see or in some cases read is not exactly what you are looking for.

Yep, some people love it and some people hate but what is undeniable is that it has made a big impact in the dating scene over the last four or five years.

I have used it on a number of occasions in which I will use it for a few weeks and then delete it and then come back and use it after a few months.

What has this got to do with The Opposite?

Well, I have been using recently and what I have discovered (I actually knew a long time ago) is that it is relatively easy to get a woman to agree to meet with you. The difficult part is getting to meet her.

I'll run through a scenario. You swipe right on a woman's profile and to your surprise she has swiped right on yours. You have a match. If you are anything like me, you will probably write straight away. (To be honest, I never understand the theory you have to wait for so many hours in case you come across as needy. Bullshit!)

Anyway, you get a reply in a timely manner and you reply and you have a good conversation and then after a while (not too long) you ask her out and I find that it is usually yes. You arrange a time, maybe a week later and tell her that you will get back to her with a time and place.

When you get back to her, you get an excuse, I can't get out of a work thing or my budgie died or something.

To be fair, usually I will get another time from them which is a good sign but if your schedule doesn't allow it then that's it.

What I have found on Tinder if either party postpones or cancels the initial time, then it is highly unlikely that it will ever happen.

Anyway, that is enough of my rant and let me go back to the original question and what has this got to do with The Opposite?

Well, I have deleted Tinder and I will not go back to it for a year. This is the opposite of what I usually do and you can ask me about it

No more Tinder or dating apps for me. If I want to meet someone, I have to do it the old-fashioned way. This is The Opposite.

To cancel or not to cancel: That is the question

Doing the opposite can be difficult for many people and I tell you what, it is a challenge and a half at the best of times.

This morning I joined the 6.15am class at the Crossfit gym that I attend. There is no apparent reason for me to do this as I don't have to be anywhere early in the day but I just wanted to challenge myself.

I think the secret of going to an early morning workout is not getting up early but going to bed early. As long as your head hits the pillow at a reasonable hour, then you can get up quite early, especially in the summer. It might be a little more difficult in the winter where naturally, the warm blankets are a better option.

Anyway, what does this have to do with doing the opposite. Well, I went to bed last night and I was considering changing my booking from the 6.15am class to the 7.30am class.

I'm glad I didn't because:

1. Normally I would have.

2. I was able to enjoy my 15 minute walk to the station in nice weather and that allowed me to prepare for the workout ahead.

3. It shows me that the opposite is working

4. I created some more time for myself today.

There you go. Another example of doing the opposite.

What are you going to do the opposite of today?

Discipline

The Opposite is all about discipline. Forgoing those instant pleasures for long-term gain. It is about eating that salad instead of that large pizza even though it looks absolutely delicious. 

You and I have a decision. What are you going to do? Will you make the long-term discipline decision or the short-term instant gratification decision?

Do the opposite?

BEING ABLE TO SAY "NO"

Part of the strategy of "doing the opposite" is having the ability to say no. This is basically sacrificing things that you would usually do or things that give you comfort as opposed to doing things that you should do.

Let me give you an example:

It's 5pm on a Saturday afternoon. What do you do? Do you accept the invitation to hang out and have a few beers or do you stay at the library/home office/shared work space to finish the little project that you have?

I know what I would do. Yes! I would go and have those beers. But the opposite suggests that that is the worst thing to do. The opposite is to say "no" and to work on that project and if you really needed that beer, then maybe you can go at 8pm or 9pm but you have work to do first.

WHAT CAN YOU GIVE TO EACH INTERACTION?

Most people go into each encounter thinking what can I get out of this?

For example, lets say you are going on a first date. Lets say you have matched with this person on Tinder and you are thinking, especially if you are a guy, you are probably thinking these two things (I know I do):

1. Will she be hot?
2. Can I get laid tonight?

Right? That is what most guys are thinking.

How about you do The Opposite? Why don't you think, rather than what you can get out of it, what can you give to her to make it a good experience?

So, today's 'Opposite' is what can you give to make the interaction a success. Lets face it, if you make it fun and memorable then you are going to get what you want, so it is a win-win, isn't it?

The Opposite - The eating challenge

I was thinking today about what is another idea that is The Opposite and I came to the idea of food.

I'm a single guy and I tend to eat a lot outside of my home. This is for the reason of convenience and some of the food you get here in Tokyo is quite cheap, nutritious and freely available.

I was thinking today though that for my health and also a little for my wallet and my waist line, I won't eat alone outside the house for the next year. I think this is definitely the opposite.

The rules are:

1. If I am eating outside the house, I will only be eating with someone that I know and am having a decent conversation with.

2. I can eat at home by myself but with food that I have cooked myself or someone else has cooked meaning that we are probably going to be eating together.

Sound like a plan?

I'll tell you, this is going to be a huge challenge. There are so many tasty, cheap options in this city.

What is The Opposite for you?

What is The Opposite?

The Opposite is when you do things that are opposite to your natural way of thinking.

Recently, I have been going to the gym a great deal, so to not do that would be stupid, so you have to figure out what is The Opposite.

For me, that might be not watching that YouTube video but doing some writing.

What is it for you?

Focus on the journey, not the final destination.

I just read an interesting summary about the book The Practicing Mind by Thomas Sterner. The summary said that we tend to focus on the main goal when we should be focusing on the process.

A good example is when we are travelling in a car, and I know that I was and still am very guilty of this. We would focus on actually getting there as opposed to just looking at the scenery and enjoying the trip.

I think that this is going to be my main focus over the next year, to just enjoy the time, to focus on what I am doing as opposed to focusing on the end product and getting down about it all.

This is the opposite and I'm sure that we will see significant results well within the twelve months.

The three areas of The Opposite

I think when I think about The Opposite, it relates to three areas in my life:

1. My Work

2. My Health and Fitness

3. My Relationships

What does this mean?

1. My Work

I think this is always working 100% even if it is for a short period of time. In 2018, we have some may distractions available for us. The Internet comes to mind. In my case, the opposite is to get down to work straight away and 100% concentration and focus on it.


2. My Health and Fitness

I'm quite happy with my fitness routines at the moment. I think it comes down to eating. Do you choose salad or french fries? Nothing wrong with french fries by the way but what do you chose? I think my opposite is having salad or in the cases when I do order salad, not to order the french fries.


3. My Relationships

I believe that this will take care of itself if I take care of the above two.

THE OPPOSITE - WHAT IS IT?

I think I have to clarify what The Opposite is. Basically for me, and you are all going to have you own rules for this but for me it is doing something the opposite to what I would have been doing in the past.

For example, the last month or so I have been taking cold showers. I read about the health benefits of taking cold showers and the idea that it wakes you up. Well, this morning after my gym workout, I was tempted to turn on the warm water and go from there but I knew that that wasn't the best course of action and turned the cold water on. This is the opposite of what I would have down up until now.

Why don't you try the opposite and see how your life changes?

THE OPPOSITE - Day 2

As I mentioned on Day 1, it is going to be difficult to figure out what the opposite is for your life.

I'll give you an example, today I finished work at 8pm and usually I would have gone home and done nothing, but today I chose to go to the library and work for one hour and a half.

Did I get much done?
Not really.

Did I get more done than if I went home?
Absolutely?

Was it worth it?
Yes.

Is this opposite transformation going to happen overnight?
No. But the more you work at it, the sooner you and I will see the benefits.

Some days are going to be difficult but you and I have to keep on going.

Good luck today, doing The Opposite.

THE OPPOSITE - Day 1

Before you go on any further, please look at the following video:

This is a classic video from the hit comedy series of the 80's and 90's, Seinfeld. I wasn't a great fan of the show but I do like a few episodes and this one is definitely in my top three.

Why?

Because it is such an interesting premise, I have decided to live the next 365 days doing the opposite.

What does that mean? Well, I'm not sure. I go to the gym frequently so I don't want to do the opposite  with that.

I think the answer to my question is that for each decision I have, I need to make it so that I am progressing towards my goals, not away from them.

For example:

Watch a YouTube video versus working on my business, the latter wins.

Eating a salad versus eating a packet of potato chips. As much as I like salt and vinegar, the salad will win.

Do you get the picture?

Lets see how my life is in 365 days of doing The Opposite.